Learning Struggles - I get it.

I struggle learning? I struggled learning how to read and spell in elementary school. I struggled learning how to land an airplane (but after much study and practice, I finally got it). As an airline pilot, I struggled learning systems of new airplanes and would have to study longer and harder than everyone in my class. I struggled to enjoy sparring as a young Orange Belt new to sparring in karate. And now I am struggling to learn more advanced Jujitsu skills.

Sometimes I wonder if my learning struggles are a result of my learning characteristics or my teacher's failure to teach effectively. Or maybe a little of both. I know I learn slightly different than the majority. As I reflect, I realize I definitely pick and choose my instructors whenever I can. If an instructor fails to be able to modify, adapt to a learner, or teach multiple ways, then I struggle. When my own money is paying for that instructor, then I find an instructor that works for me. In the past when I haven't had the chance to choose my instructor than I have dug deep and used the martial arts principle of Perseverance (or was it me being stubborn). Either way, maybe this is why Perseverance is my favorite principle.

I could go on about my learning struggles for a long time, but instead, let me tell you that I get it.

I GET IT if you struggle to learn.

I GET that not everyone learns the same.

I GET that as an instructor I can't just teach one size fits all.

I GET that I need to tailor my teaching style for you.


Maybe all my struggles in learning are the reason why I imaged I would be a teacher when I was a young kid.

Maybe that is why I completed the process to become a Certified Martial Arts Instructor (under ACMA).

Maybe that is why I became a Certified Master Aviation Instructor (CFI, CFII, MEI, AGI, MCFI).

Maybe that is why I went to school to learn about teaching and completed my Master's Degree in Education (M.Ed).

If you are struggling to learn in one of my classes that I am teaching, please let me know. I will take the time to figure out how you learn best.


Here are some links about learning styles:

• Howard Gardner's Multiple Intelligence Theory
• Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
• Learning Styles
• Common Defense Mechanisms 

Devloping The 3-C's: Courage, Confidence, and Composure

"Dad, my stomach hurts."

Butterflies get us all.  Yes kiddos, even adults get butterflies. Isn't it cool that you and your kids get to learn to deal with nervous butterflies as a student of the martial arts, and you don't have to wait until adulthood to deal with these feelings?

Flight or Flight is a natural response to stress.  Check out this video to see why we have this natural response.

Yes, I purposely create events that generate elevated levels of stress to help students learn to deal with positive stress in a safe, fun environment. Our events like our Level Promotion Ceremonies, Games and Demo events are all safe events I design to develop the life skills of Courage, Confidence, and Composure (aka - the 3-C's). 

Don't worry, as a M.Ed (Master in Education), I know how to encourage your kids to push just a bit more than they would push themselves. But I am very careful not to over stress a student to the breaking point. This is what is great about our "Family Academy" environment. Our school is just the right size, where I know you and your kids well, and can create an event that is designed just right for their current skills level. Schools with 100+ students and a "Master" who only performs Belt Exams or teaches just the "senior" students, can't create this effective learning environment designed perfectly for you.

And you can be assured that if I am encouraging you to work on the 3-C's, I will ask myself to do the same. So when I ask you to perform at a big event, I will perform as well (when appropriate). Yes, I get nervous performing in front of people too, even after 24+ years of martial arts training. But, without learning how to overcome the Flight or Flight response at a young age (I started martial arts at the age of 11), I would never have been able to become an Airline Pilot. Trust me, being a female Airline Pilot and FFDO (Federal Flight Deck Officer) demands performance in many stressful situations. And you can bet, I borrow from these experiences and others, to create a safe, fun, and slightly stressful event that will help you (and your kid) succeed in life.

Remember our Moto - "The Journey is the Award" and know that we are "Shaping a Generation of Leaders."

Keep Flighting,

Sifu S

Practicing Martial Arts with Your Kids

Your kids come home from Martial Arts class and want you to help them practice, but you don't know where to start.  You have never taken a martial arts class, and you don't know what to do.  Let me give you some ideas.

Rule #1 - Keep it Fun!
First, the most important thing to remember is to keep practice fun and positive.  I can tell you, after teaching martial arts for over 20 years, that the fastest path to quitting martial arts (or any other activity, for that matter) is putting too much pressure on your kids. If you are constantly nagging at them and not keeping it fun, they will not want to practice. Martial arts provides more life skills than any other sport or extracurricular activity, so the last thing you want is your child disliking it and giving up.  Always keep it positive and fun!

Follow your Kid's Lead
If you kids want to practice with you, this is a good thing, so practice with them. Ask your kids how and what they want to practice.  Follow their lead and desires.  If you son wants to just practice kicks today, let him.  If you daughter wants to practice jumping, spinning, and a bunch of crazy Kung Fu Panda moves that you can't decipher, encourage her. Any practice is good practice.  Encourage your kids to practice certain things, but don't force them. "John, let's practice your blocks." "Sally, let's go through your self defense techniques."  If they say, I don't want to, ask what they want to practice. Any practice is better than no practice.


Short Impromptu Practice is Great
Grab your kids in a self defense technique in the kitchen, and let them put you on the floor.  Wrestle during commercial breaks in the living room.  Play spar in the hallway.  This type of practice can be the best practice and makes for great bonding moments.  

How long and often should my kids practice?
My opinion is, as long as your kids want, and as long as it stays positive and fun. I ask my students to practice at least once per week, but I rarely give a time limit. Encourage them to practice, keep it fun, and they will want to do it. When they are truly ready to end the practice, whether it has been 5 minutes or 20 minutes, then wrap it up.  End on a fun note, so that they want to practice next time. Also, remember that there needs to be a balance, so they don't burn out. Give your kids opportunities to practice with you and by themselves. Also, make sure they have plenty of other opportunities to play with their friends, do other sports, and be involved in other activities, and this will make them want to keep attending the real life skill builder - martial arts.

Be the best training partner
Be your kids' favorite training partner, not their Sifu or Sensei. Throw punches and be their "bad guy" so they can practice their techniques. Be their grappling buddy. Hold the mitts and be their boxing partner. Let them be the teacher and let them teach you. Constantly praise them for what they are doing. Don't worry about what they are not doing right. Focus on what they are doing well, and tell them. "John, that was a great, high kick. You are getting so good." Who cares if John's hands were down and he wasn't protecting his face. Next time you catch John with his hands up, praise his for that.

For beginning students, simply just encourage and help them practice. No need to challenge or push them; remembering the skills are a challenge enough. As your kids progress to the intermediate and advanced levels, your training partner skills might need to increase. Help your kids work on power, speed, or agility. Get them to hit the mitts a little harder or faster. Hold those grab attacks a little tighter, but only one step above their current ability. It is okay for them to be challenged, but constant failure will quickly drive them away from the martial arts, so allow them to win sometimes too. Help them improve, keep it fun, and create some challenge that they can overcome.  

Practicing Techniques
Be your student's "practice dummy" which is also known as an "uke" in the martial arts.  Learn how to grab them, how to attack during ground techniques, and which punches and kicks to throw. When being an uke, watch out for kicks and strikes that could hurt you. Yes, I have seen 5 year olds give instructors bloody noses and make them drop to their knees from a kick.  Remember, they are still learning coordination and self-control. Let your kids make light contact if you feel comfortable, but until they get more self-control, watch out. As you kids become more advanced, you may want to consider wearing some protective gear, like a chest guard, to help them practice. We can recommend gear and equipment to help you practice at home.

Practicing Sparring Skills
Get some mitts, muay thai pads, a bag, or a sparring bag shield.  Learn the combos and how to hold the mitts. Turn on the music and have some fun. This can be a great workout for you as well as your kids.

Wrap-up
Hopefully, this gives you some ideas on how to help your kids practice.  Stop by class to get some more ideas, or better yet, join class so that you can learn with your kids.  As the old saying goes, "A family that kicks together, sticks together."

Positive Teaching

[Original Article Written Nov 2015]

Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to observe another martial arts school's youth class, ages 5-13 years old.  I was appalled by what I saw. Let me explain.

As many of you have heard me say, it is more important to find a good instructor over the style of martial arts.  I tell this to a student anytime they move and have to look for a new martial arts school.  And this fact was very true for the class I was observing.  The school had a very popular franchise name with a great reputation, but what is on the outside doesn't always make the inside.  Here is what I observed and what makes Flying Tigers different and special.

At Flying Tiger Self Defense our certified instructors go through a rigorous training process that lasts at a minimum 2 years and 100+ hours. The training they receive consists of 5 levels, where the instructor must apprentice and learn from a certified instructor, learn and practice teaching skills in actual classes, and then they are evaluated on their teaching skills. Depending on the age of the student instructor it can take several years to earn one's Red Jacket and become a certified instructor. Our students are not required to become teachers to earn their black belts because not everyone has the patience and desire to teach. And our belief is, that just because you are a black belt, that does not certify you or give you the skills to teach. But for those who do want to teach at our school, they learn interpersonal skills that will last a lifetime and will transfer to an endless number of jobs and careers.

So what did this instructor do so wrong? To start with, within the first 10 minutes of class the instructor yelled at his own children no less than 10 times. His unprofessionalism was so bad, it sent chills down my spine and made me want to run to the door. As he "instructed" the class, he stood in the front of the room barking orders. Never once did he get on the student's level and help them. Remember, he was teaching kids, not adults.  And worst of all, his instructions to the kids consisted of, "No, don't do that. Don't move like that. That's stupid. No one would ever do that," and "No, no, no, no, no."  As an instructor that tries to avoid all negative verbiage while teaching, this was like hearing swear words explode out of his month. I couldn't believe parents were paying over $125/month for this class so that their children could be yelled at for an hour non-stop.  I wouldn't pay $10/month to put my child in this class.

So, how is our teaching philosophy different? First of all, our level one instructors learn and must demonstrate how to teach using positive phraseology.  This means the instructor says, "Johney, great kick.  Now just keep your hands up," instead of saying, "Johney, stop dropping your hands when you kick. You'll get hit in the face.  Stop being so stupid."  Second, we tell our instructors to treat, "no," like it's a swear word.  Why? Yes there is a time and place for the word "no," but it isn't in a learning environment.  It is a great word for safety, "Johney! No, you will burn your hand." So instead of telling our students, "No, that's wrong. Don't do that," we teach our new instructors, to tell the student what they are doing right and explain how they can make it better.  "Johney, I can tell you are working hard to learn this technique.  Now, to make it better try putting your thumb here. Great, nice job."

On the drive home from the class, my husband asked me how I would have handled the misbehaving kids in the class. I explained that kids will behave in whatever fashion gets them attention. This means that if the kids who are misbehaving are getting attention, then Johney is also going to misbehave so he can get attention. Instead, we teach our instructors to ignore the misbehaving kid and praise the behaving kid. "Johney, you are doing a great job staying on your spot today.  Nice job.  High-five."  Now Timmy who has been goofing around sees Johney getting attention and wants a high-five too, so Timmy starts to behave and stand on his spot.  So then what do we do?  Give Timmy a high-five.  This makes the environment more positive and hence more fun for all.

Now, these are just three teaching techniques we use in our classes.  There is a long list of other teaching skills we use and teach our instructors.  All-in-all this experience made me grateful for the instructors I had, who taught and certified me to teach positively.

-Sifu S

Nov 2015

Rough House Play

Ask your kids to come in the living room. Lay down on the floor. Give your kids the "come get me" look and see what happens.  How do you feel? Are you still in 100% parent, guardian, caretaker mode? Or did some child's playfulness creep in? It's okay to let it creep in. Your kids want and need to see this.

Smile at your baby, preschooler, elementary child, or even teen. Have no agenda other than play. Let your kid set the pace. Let your kid be the leader. It's okay to let your kid "win," be more skilled, and triumph over you. Dominance doesn't have to exist in this game. Allow your guard and insecurities down. Be a kid the same age as your child.  Be soft, fun, and playful.

What are the rules? Safety only. What is the objective? To have fun. Let your child wrestle with you. Let them smash you (be careful and don't smash them). Through in a tickle or a tease every once in awhile to remind you and them that there is no winner or loser, this is a game. It's about fun, bonding, showing your love, and building self-confidence and respect (not fear, but respect). It's about learning and teaching trust.Trust your child. Let your child trust you.

Only use strength to challenge your child some and to keep it interesting and fun.  But never use strength to hurt them or "win." If your teen is stronger, be willing to accept this and build trust. Let them build their skills by teaching you. If you are uncomfortable wrestling with you teen, hold the pads for them and let them punch and kick. Let them teach you how to hold the pads and what to do. Remember you are not the "coach" right now. You are not the teacher. You are their helper. Let them be the coach. Just let them do and spend happy time with you. Even with your young ones, step back and let them be the teacher for a change. Life skills will blossom from both of you.

If you have physical limitations, it's okay.  Work within those limitations.  I am a mom with 6 bad disks in my neck and back. I just remind my sons to play softer with me than Daddy. I always protect myself and my child. The only rule is safety. Maybe the games look like wrestling or jujitsu, but you don't need knowledge of these sports to wrestle with your kids. The game may look more like horsey or may just be a big goofy hug.  Remember, your kids will teach you and they will guide the game. Let them. They haven't lost this innate skill of rough house. As long as you are having fun, it won't matter.  Don't take yourself or your child too seriously or it will become work. Enjoy yourself.

Here is an example for Toddlers

If you are still unsure, don't know what to do, or uncomfortable, visit a class with your child and we will help. We can teach you to play safely and keep it fun. We can teach you wrestling games. We can teach you how to hold the striking pads for your kids. We can teach you all how to stay safe.

My final recommendation is if your teen is stronger or more skilled than you and this bothers you, well it is time to enroll in a class with them. Some refer to this time as the "changing of the guard" when your child becomes stronger, faster, and "better" than you. If handled correctly you can build an immense amount of respect for each other during this time. However, never forget that you have more wisdom, and your child may still need your pointers once and awhile.

Some background about me:

I have been doing martial arts for more than 20 years. I was initially trained in standup defense and flighting. My husband has over 10 years of martial arts training which includes mostlyKodokann judo, jujitsu and other grappling arts. We have two kids, and yes, in time my kids will learn the art of kick and punching.  However, the art of wrestling can start at babyhood. My youngest is currently 8 months and loves to wrestle. His smile becomes huge when I am on the ground and he is sitting on me. As much as I would like to teach my young children "karate," grappling and wrestling is so much more kid friendly. Plus, it is much more fun at young ages. I do occasionally through in some sword fighting and flag snatching games with my older son to start him on some standup martial arts skills. But at a young age, nothing is more fun to kids than wrestling with their parents. Trust me. Before kids, I would have thought this was crazy. Now, I believe it is one key tool a parent can use to instill multiple life skills into their child.

Happy rolling, rough housing, and playing.

Parent Coaching Tip – Dealing with Burnout

In 20+ years of teaching martial arts, almost all my students have hit the dreaded Intermediate level burnout. This can be a very trying time for parents.  Your student goes from being excited to go to martial arts class to seeming less than interested. Or it may become somewhat of a battle to get your student to go to class. Here is what I have learned through countless student and parent discussions.

First, learned plateaus are normal. There is a lot to learn in the martial arts and it take years to acquire a feeling of being “good.” Learning plateaus allow the brain to soak in all the information that has been given. Many times the first learning plateau happens around purple, blue, or green belt. This catches students and parents off guard.  Sometimes, parents tell me that their child in not improving, so we are going to take a break. Please understand that your child is improving, but in order to climb the mountain to black belt and above there must be rest periods. Students may not show huge improvements but that doesn’t mean they aren’t learning and improving.

In addition, during the intermediate levels students go from being the most skilled and “best” student in the beginning levels to realizing there is so much more to learn. They are now the lowest students in the intermediate levels. It is like graduating from elementary school to junior high. This can cause some students to feel overwhelmed, anxious, frustrated, and this may be projected as a loss of interest in the martial arts.  Actually, most students haven’t lost interest; they just don’t know how to express this new and awkward feeling.     

So, what can you do as a parent? First, don’t let your student quit. The only thing this teaches students is how to quit when things get tough. Remember, martial arts training is a journey of learning self defense, an ancient art form, and like skills.  Back when you thought about putting your child in the martial arts one of the reasons you choose this sport was probably for the life skill aspect.  Don’t give up or let your child give up on the process now.  Yes, it will be tough. But this is what you want your child to learn.  You want them to overcome difficulty, frustration, and challenges.  This is just another step in the journey.  Let it be and don’t let your child quit.  

Tips:

• Set an expectation that your student will attend 1-2 classes per week. We can’t help your child overcome frustration and difficulty if they are not in class.
• Keep practice at home to a minimum. Practice what and when the student wants to practice
• Give your student encouragement and help them understand that their feelings are normal at this stage in training. Let them know that these feelings will not last forever
• Remind them of the benefits of pushing though struggle
• Recognize achievements big and small and point out small improvements
• Never compare your child to other students
• Let you instructor know what is going on so she can help
• Don’t even allow the escape goat discussion of quitting come up – it’s not even an option
• Allow your student to do other activities, but make sure he is coming to class weekly.