Parent Coaching Tip – Dealing with Burnout

In 20+ years of teaching martial arts, almost all my students have hit the dreaded Intermediate level burnout. This can be a very trying time for parents.  Your student goes from being excited to go to martial arts class to seeming less than interested. Or it may become somewhat of a battle to get your student to go to class. Here is what I have learned through countless student and parent discussions.

First, learned plateaus are normal. There is a lot to learn in the martial arts and it take years to acquire a feeling of being “good.” Learning plateaus allow the brain to soak in all the information that has been given. Many times the first learning plateau happens around purple, blue, or green belt. This catches students and parents off guard.  Sometimes, parents tell me that their child in not improving, so we are going to take a break. Please understand that your child is improving, but in order to climb the mountain to black belt and above there must be rest periods. Students may not show huge improvements but that doesn’t mean they aren’t learning and improving.

In addition, during the intermediate levels students go from being the most skilled and “best” student in the beginning levels to realizing there is so much more to learn. They are now the lowest students in the intermediate levels. It is like graduating from elementary school to junior high. This can cause some students to feel overwhelmed, anxious, frustrated, and this may be projected as a loss of interest in the martial arts.  Actually, most students haven’t lost interest; they just don’t know how to express this new and awkward feeling.     

So, what can you do as a parent? First, don’t let your student quit. The only thing this teaches students is how to quit when things get tough. Remember, martial arts training is a journey of learning self defense, an ancient art form, and like skills.  Back when you thought about putting your child in the martial arts one of the reasons you choose this sport was probably for the life skill aspect.  Don’t give up or let your child give up on the process now.  Yes, it will be tough. But this is what you want your child to learn.  You want them to overcome difficulty, frustration, and challenges.  This is just another step in the journey.  Let it be and don’t let your child quit.  

Tips:

• Set an expectation that your student will attend 1-2 classes per week. We can’t help your child overcome frustration and difficulty if they are not in class.
• Keep practice at home to a minimum. Practice what and when the student wants to practice
• Give your student encouragement and help them understand that their feelings are normal at this stage in training. Let them know that these feelings will not last forever
• Remind them of the benefits of pushing though struggle
• Recognize achievements big and small and point out small improvements
• Never compare your child to other students
• Let you instructor know what is going on so she can help
• Don’t even allow the escape goat discussion of quitting come up – it’s not even an option
• Allow your student to do other activities, but make sure he is coming to class weekly.

Halloween Self Defense

"Boooo. Boo. Boooo. Boo. I'm the ghost that scares you...," goes the song I sing with my kids.

I love this time of year. In our family, we celebrate the fall season all month long. And of course, we have great fun on Halloween night.  Halloween can be fun for "kids" of all ages, and with a little caution, the holiday can be a safe one to celebrate. Here's some tips we share in our classes to help keep Halloween safe, fun, and enjoyable for all.

Haunted House Safety

• Go with friends
• Don't make yourself an easy target for criminals
• Make sure your friends are aware of dangers that Haunted Houses attract, i.e. petty criminals, theft, gang violence, sexual assaults, etc. When I was 10 years old, a gang followed some kids from a haunted house to my neighborhood and proceed to complete a gang initiation by beating up the kid. I think this is what sparked my interest in self defense.
• Park in a well-lit area preferably provided by the haunted house and where security is present
• Always stay with your group or at least one friend at all times. 
• If you have to return to your car to get something, go with at least one friend.
• Always be aware. Haunted Houses are fun, but keep an eye out for unwanted attention and "creepy" people.
• Keep purses and bags in your trunk. Carrying these just makes you an easy target. Put enough money in your pocket for the activity and since it is usually cooler, you can keep your phone in your jacket pocket. Leave the rest in the car.

Trick-or-Treating for Teens  

• Always go with friends.
• Stay in well-lit areas and neighborhoods
• Stay in neighborhoods with plenty of trick-or-treaters. These usually have the most candy anyway. 
• Follow the same rules as going to a Haunted House, especially always being aware
• Don't make yourself an easy target for attackers
• Make sure your parents know and approve of the neighborhoods you plan to visit. 
• Check in with your parents often and make sure an adult always know where you are at and when you plan to return home.
• Be respectful of the little ones. Really, trick-or-treating is for those under 12. If you decide to go, make sure you don't scare, hurt, and make anyone mad.  Courtesy goes a long way in avoiding a confrontation that can turn into a fight or self defense situation.
• Don't do anything criminal or start any fight. Keep your "tricks" appropriate and friendly. 
• Remember, the day is meant to be fun, but it is important to remain respectful and stay out of trouble at all times. 
• Wear a costume that is appropriate that doesn't bring you unwanted attention. Also, make sure you can see well. In order to be aware, you must be able to see what is going on around you.
• Watch for cars at traffic. Last year, two teens were killed trick-or-treating in our area. Stay on one side of the road then cross over to the other at the end of the road. Don't zigzag from side to side of the street trying to get as much candy as possible. This just increases your risk of not being seen and getting hit by a car. 
• Inspect all candy and throw away any tampered or questionable candy. Sadly, some people think poisoning candy is a great "trick" on Halloween.
• Use a flashlight to make you more visible

Trick-or-Treating for Youth

• Always stay with your parents or other adults
• Follow all the rules above for the Teens
• Only cross the road with parents or other adults
• Let your parents inspect all your candy before you eat any of it.
• Remember, the martial arts principle of Courtesy and stay off people's lawns (this is my pet peeve, so I had to put this in).

Halloween Parties for Adults

• Be smart and don't make yourself an easy target. Wear an appropriate costume that doesn't bring unwanted attention. 
• Go and stay with friends. If you return to your car, always go with a friend.
• Be smart about alcohol consumption. Always keep an eye on your drinks to make sure someone doesn't put something in it. Yes, this still happens. And of course, make sure your group has a designated driver or calls a cab.
• Be aware of ways to prevent sexual assault 
• Call for help if you need it.  

I hope you enjoy and have a safe Halloween.

Flying Tiger Martial Arts

www.flyingtigermartialartsga.com

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